Derby County’s five stages of relegation from the Premier League!

Football FanCast columnist and Derby fan James Randall looks back at his season following the rams and has formulated the five stages of relegation.

This season has been quite unique in many ways for supporters of Derby County. When we were told in the summer that we were ‘going to take the Premiership by storm', and that the club certainly wasn't there ‘just to make up the numbers', nobody could have foreseen just how depressingly true those statements would turn out to be, for all the wrong reasons. The numbers speak for themselves – one win in 30, just 14 goals scored in those 30 matches, no wins for 24 consecutive games. Our negative goal difference had reached double figures before the first international break, and until a spirited performance against Manchester United on Saturday, the play was becoming more abject by the week.

It has, though, given us fans a certain insight into the mood of a football fan who knows, deep down, that his team is destined for relegation before a quarter of the season is up.

Denial. We're not that bad. We were unlucky to catch Spurs on the rebound to lose 4-0 at the Lane, and Liverpool are a class side and can beat anyone 6-0. We just had an off-day against Birmingham, and we conceded too early after taking the lead at home to Bolton. No, the real Derby side was the one that beat Newcastle 1-0; that's the side that'll keep us in the Premiership.

Anger. (Profanities removed from these questions…) Why didn't we spend £40m in the summer? What are they doing on the training ground each week? We get 30,000+ every week, we deserve better than this. Why don't they show any passion? Where's the pride? This is disgusting, it's an absolute disgrace – everyone at the club should feel ashamed of themselves.

Bargaining (with the football Gods). ‘If you just let us win one small match, one tiny weeny 90 minutes of football, I promise not to laugh too much at Nottingham Forest and Leeds in the third division.'  I guess I can't have been too sincere, because not only have our results not improved, no matter how bad we've been this season, and their predicament never ceases to amuse me.

Depression. This has been the longest stage for me, and has been the sole reason why I haven't written a blog for nigh on three months now. I just can't bring myself to write about our plight – it's bad enough going every weekend without having to think about it during the week as well. For long spells in matches it's hard enough to try and support the team instead of just sitting there in stunned silence.

Acceptance. It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally here. Ok, so we're bottom of the Premiership. But we have new owners who are making all the right noises so far; a manager with an excellent track record at building promotion-winning teams and the Championship is a competitive league that's lots and lots of fun, and we might even win a few. So let's enjoy our last few games in the Prem, have a nice summer off and, fingers crossed, watch as Newcastle / Sunderland / Brum get relegated on the last day of the season and are still in the depression stage when the kick-off comes around again in August. Actually, reading that last sentence back looks remarkably like bargaining to me – oh b*gger…

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