Bad misses and badge kissers – 10 Things I noticed from the PL this Weekend

Stoke 1-2 Man. Utd – With the world, his wife and all their immediate family pre-occupied with the subject of Wayne Rooney last week, the man who overtook Carlos Tevez to become the world’s highest paid boglin on Friday evening spent his 25th birthday sunning himself in opulent Dubai whilst his lesser work colleagues slugged it out in Stoke, a city with the only football team in the country to employ football as a back up tactic. But the gods of football it seems do at least have a sense of humor, if not over troubled with the values of loyalty and perspective, as Rooney’s unknown, unfeted understudy won United the game with the very strikers instinct El Wazza’s been missing this season. Javier ‘Chicharito (Little Pea)’ Hernandez may look like a 12-year-old girl with a crew cut but already looks the part of heir apparent to Ole Solskjaer. His first goal was a gem of genuine originality as he arched like a flying sea lion to reach an awkward pull back, and scored – very deliberately – with the back of his head. To compound the irony, he celebrated by kissing his badge, which now almost certainly means he’ll angle for a move away the second United fail to win the league four times in a row. Gary Neville somehow avoided being sent off for a clear second yellow but was so rubbish anyway it most likely did Stoke a favor. Tuncay leveled with the goal of the game but that only served to wake United up from their second half malaise and Chicharito grabbed his second from close range before celebrating with a fan who looked bigger than all of United’s players put together. But then Wayne Rooney’s head was in Dubai.

Man. City 0-3 Arsenal – What on paper looks like a serious credibility dent in City’s quest to turn the big four into five is tempered slightly by the fact they played for 86 minutes of this encounter with ten men. Boyata received his marching orders in less than five minutes for denying a goal scoring opportunity, a decision which didn’t take into consideration that the recipient was Marouane Chamakh, or that the ball wasn’t four yards out and in the air. Samir Nasri gave the visitors the lead after one of those rare Arsenal moves that actually ends with a shot before their weekly compulsory penalty was saved admirably by Joe Hart. Adebayor was brought on to rally the home side and give the visiting Gooners something to shout at, but the away side made comfortable work of their personnel advantage and after Song had toe punted a resolution to another bout of obsessive compulsive passing disorder, Nicklas Bendtner rounded things off after breaking free of the City defence at the speed of a arthritic dinner lady.

Liverpool 2-1 Blackburn – With ownership issues now thoroughly behind them and with no one to aim overly sentimental minor celebrity endorsed viral video appeals at, Liverpool fans could concentrate on the proper business of supporting their team, and for once this season, their team actually looked worth supporting. So up for it they were in fact that Paul Robinson had his work cut out just trying to keep Blackburn in it in the first half. His valiant, balding resistance was undone only a couple of minutes into the second however as Sotirios Kyrgiakos – who looks like a circus giant who isn’t actually a giant – powered in a Steven Gerrard corner, helpfully assisted by Martin Olsson, who bafflingly decided to direct his headed clearance towards the middle of the goal, despite sanding on the post. Rovers found themselves level only a few minutes later however, as the most loveable man in football El Hadji Diouf, had his scuffed shot cleared off the line by Konchesky, right onto the iron buttocks of Jamie Carragher and back into the net. It was a goal of Laurel and Hardy-esque comic ineptitude, rescued from significance – though probably not an appearance on a football funnies Christmas video hosted by Danny Dyer in a shed – by Fernando Torres, who slotted in the winner from a Joe Cole cross only a few minutes later.

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