For the 15th time in 12 weeks, both diminutive retro haired cartoon dormouse Lionel Messi and varnished pants mannequin Cristiano Ronaldo scored hat tricks in their respective La Liga matches. “That’s impossible” you may claim. And you may be technically right, but whatever the amount really is (It's actually three) Ronaldo now…

Movies. Movies are great aren’t they? A wise man once said; “Men like films where lots of people die very quickly and women like films where one person dies very slowly”. Failing this of course, sports films can often do the trick for men in lieu of a decent body count…

Reporters standing outside, in front of things - Reporters often stand outside, in front of things. Standing outside in front of things is an important pre-requisite of what reporters do. Standing inside of things is far too easy, and probably comfortable, and reporters should never be comfortable inside of things, lest we…

1. Better Do Bet..err  - There was a time, eons ago now, when international friendlies were viewed as a valued part of the footballing landscape. A fleeting but enthralling chance to see the best of our kinfolk step aside the battle lines of club football and join forces for an exhilarating showpiece,…

1. When Two Tribes Go To War - It’s been a long time since I genuinely looked forward to an England match, and by "a long time”, I of course mean seven months, and by "looked forward", I mean without a sickening sense of fearful foreboding, dread and embarrassment. However such is…

1. Status Quo - With the season reaching squeaky bum time, Manchester United pulled out their party piece run-in trick of grinding out late goal wins in games they looked hardly capable of scoring in, gently applying some much needed oil to their behinds in the process (a metaphorical continuation I instantly feel…

Goal II was on television the other day. You know the one, it’s the second film in the Hollywood football trilogy about a wide eyed Mexican everyman puppy thing who dreams of becoming an unrealistic footballer and bedding a Geordie nurse. I’m still undecided on Goal II. I’ve decided it’s bad of…

Another day, another poor refereeing decision. Another English side out of a multi-national competition, another reason to blame it all on that cruel mistress injustice. Another Barcelona victory, another Messi brace and yet another reason to break out the comparatives, pop open the superlatives and make a big, fresh, juicy hyperbolic…

An Idol. An inspiration. A Hero. A Trailblazer. A Martyr. These types of words are banded around frequently and liberally for all manner of people these days (except perhaps martyr, which does come with the relatively sturdy and mandatory requirement of death) be they entertainment celebrities, sportsmen or charismatic if ultimately ideologically…

For years now we’ve been subjected relentlessly to the indubitably accepted cannon opinion that the FA Cup is in a near constant process of de-magicafying. Every turn of year we’re compelled to hope that the world’s oldest cup competition can regain some of it’s old magic in an age…