Football FanCast columnist Alex Rowland reacts to what was yet another uninspiring England performance against the USA.

When I was a kid and my grandparents came to visit they would take me out for a meal at little chef. This was exciting for everyone involved, however that excitement was dampened by my grandma's insistence on ordering the same meal every time; fish and chips.

This is much like an England game, specifically a friendly. Every time match day comes around I have a spring in my step and a buzz in my stomach. The endless possibilities, the scope for experimentation, free flowing football at its best. But that excitement is understood to be misunderstood around 15 minutes into the game much like Wednesday's, as a predictably unadventurous line up starts to knock the ball around more haphazardly than a rock star on acid. Why is there such an insistence on things being the same?

Everyone has their "if I were England manager" rants, and here's mine. First of all there has to be a guarantee of something new and interesting happening rather than anything from a low scoring victory to a four-goal loss occurring as per. 2-0 is not going to get anyone's loins burning. So appearing in the Three Lions shirt, for the first time, should be Timmy Mallet, operating as a dangerous left-winger; a front pairing of the Chuckle Brothers, with Tony Hart in behind and Neil Buchanan as an obvious goalkeeper sets the spine of the team up nicely. As silly as this is, at least Thursday morning would be filled with ‘did you see?' and ‘what the hell!', rather than ‘shambles' and ‘boring'. Surely this is looking a little more inspiring than Gerrard cutting inside on the left wing all night.

Instead what we were faced with was a bit of a kick about between gazillionaires playing some of the least important football of their career. The strangest thing about friendly matches is that if someone performs it is "just a friendly", whereas another dismal England display is blown completely out of proportion. Such a no win situation should put the nation off, but Wednesday's match will have guaranteed millions of viewers, all bubbling with intrigue, yet sat there ninety minutes later, none the wiser.

Peter Crouch appearing for the last fifteen minutes, David Bentley having mixed fortunes on the right and Rooney running his socks off but to no prevail, these are things that people as low down as Andy Townsend could have told you a year ago.

There's a reason why people don't read the same book over and over again. People don't visit the same holiday destinations year in year out, and they don't listen to the same CD every day. So why should they have to watch the same football friendly displays year in year out? Tonight's repetitive brand of the beautiful game conclusively proved that England don't do frendlies. When Lampard jogged off a little into the second half and viewers realised his existence in the game for the first time, alarm bells should have been ringing. So maybe next time we should just throw on some classic children's TV, and watch Mallet, Buchanan et al tear it up in an exuberant fashion.