Football FanCast columnist Chris Mackin looks back at the Euro Championships and conducts his own personal awards ceremony.

‘The Hopelessly Lost and Out Of Their Depth' Award
(Previous winner: Catherine Tate in Doctor Who)

Goes to Lee Dixon, a man whose default operational setting appears stuck on ‘glazed eyed bewilderment'. Lee hummed and harred unconvincingly throughout, all Manchurian drawl and trite cliché, leaving in his wake a battlefield of incomplete thoughts, hollow sentiments and tedious non analysis. The highlight of his tournament came during the Holland Italy game where he raised bitter protests at the nature of Van Nistelrooy's opening goal. Lee Dixon doesn't understand the offside law, and seemed awfully proud of this, bathing is his own wilful ignorance to the point where a UEFA official was forced to explain it to him using as few big words as possible, like the episode of The Simpsons when Homer needs Sideshow Bob's dastardly scheme detailed to him with flip charts and hand puppets. Coming back to the studio Lee dismissed this analysis, he "didn't understand it", which presumably renders it unworkable. Dismissing concepts on the basis that Lee Dixon may be unable to grasp them seems like a dubious exercise in restriction; what would the world do without Tetris, basic grammar and three out of every four board games ever invented?

‘The Small Things That Make the World Appear Brighter' Award
(Previous winner: getting a good seat by the window on the bus this morning)

A few contenders here; I was going to say the overhead aerial camera shot which began every match, the one that made you feel like you were watching the kickoff from the decking on Thunderbird 5 until I had an unpleasant anxiety dream which involved being suspended on a small harness surveying a particularly fractious relationship from this very camera angle. Oddly disconcerting, that, and for this reason the award goes to the black and white panelled balls used throughout the tournament. Wonderfully evocative, the only dreams they are ever likely to appear in are the ones Hunter Davies must have after a nice cup of coca and a Natracalm, they made watching the games feel vaguely like watching a starkly life like ‘Roy of the Rovers' comic strip.

The ‘NOBODY CARES' Award
(Previous winner: your flatmate who had a nightmare at work today. He didn't get that email down from Roger in admin which resulted in all sorts of confusion.)

Goes to anybody who once stopped to ponder on what impact England's absence may have had on the tournament. There was an amusing trend that emerged on Nicky Campbell's show on Radio five wherein the correspondent invited to discuss the previous night's match would fit as much detail as possible about an actual football match- in the hurried manner familiar to anybody that has ever asked about the specials five minutes before closing- before Nicky would stop dead any further insight with a dreary and predictable "I hate to bring this up again, but, Croatia were in England's group..." and yadaa bloody yadaa. This line of questioning did prove rewarding when, through a spurious application of supposed mathematics and absurd hypothetical's, Graham Taylor- on as a guest with the supposed remit to chat about Turkey's win the night before- had England actually winning Euro 2008. This, at that stage in tournament, was going to take some doing.

The No Matter How Hard You Try You're Never Going To Be James Richardson Swilling An Espresso Outside A Coffee Shop In Rome Award
(previous winner: any on location reporter on the BBC in short sleeves, patronising foreign people half to death with dull questions asked with overdone bonhomie)

Anybody who refers to Italy as ‘The Azzuri'. These try hards are the football watching equivalent of an ‘Independent' feature on the plight of the Fiji Crested Iguana, teeth gratingly smug and pompous. Not only do they know more about football than YOU they have also mastered foreign languages. When they go to gigs they buy the T-Shirt with the support band's name on and whatever album you're listening to at the moment, they will gleefully inform you, is largely inferior to the six track E.P released by the same group but only available on import.

The Oh Dear Getting to the End, Better Mention the Football Award
(previous winner: the Cristiano Ronaldo saga, deemed ten thousand times more important than Euro 2008 by most newspapers and twenty five million times more important by Cristiano himself)

Marcos Senna, a magnificent beast of a midfielder, who made the previously spellbinding Arshavin look like Princess Peach out of the Super Mario computer games and the previously immaculate Ballack look like Grandad in Only Fools & Horses, gets best player. Senna matched efficient and measured tackling with economical and intelligent passing. Largely conservative, there were still the occasional flashes of genius; he would suddenly remember he was Brazilian, dummy some idiot, flash past another couple and drop in a lovely pass to Villa. Appeared suitably restrained during the love in given his coach at the end of the final game.

Both Chris Mackin and Joe Jennings are competing in our Euro Bloggers semi final - so if you can take the time to read both articles and give a subsequent vote as to which article you felt was of greater style, quality and content, it would be greatly appreciated.

Click Here to read Joe Jennings' article