Ian Holloway.

As far as I’m concerned this simple Bristolian can do no wrong. A great footballer, a fantastic manager and absolutely brilliant in interviews.

It’s only really dawned on me since Blackpool secured promotion the Premiership how funny this guy actually is, I guess I’ve never really been that interested in what he has to say.

My oh my how that has changed and it was no surprise to me, when I began searching for some of his best quotes, that he’s been waxing lyrical since I was a small child.

It seems now, not a weekend goes by where this man doesn’t offer something to the game of football, whether it be his managerial mastery or his gift for the gab – both are astonishing.

Football aside for a minute, he’s a comedy genius, quote-tastic and here are, in my opinion, his top 20 quotes of all time. The bloke talks so much sense it’s scary and at times, he’s just simply hilarious:

20. “I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose thats one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.” – about the new rule restricting footballers from removing their shirts during a match.

19. “Hasney’s bust his hooter. He can smell round corners now.” – on an injury sustained by central defender Hasney Aljofree.

18. “Sir David Beckham? You’re having a laugh. He’s just a good footballer with a famous bird. Can you imagine if Posh was called Lady Beckham? We’d never hear the end of it!” – on rumours about a possible knighthood for David Beckham.

17. “We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we’d have dealt with County’s first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands.” – after a defeat against Notts County.

16. “Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.” – on criticism from Plymouth Argyle fans during Leicester City’s match against Plymouth Argyle.

15. “It’s all very well having a great pianist playing but it’s no good if you haven’t got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.” – after being criticised for using defensive players in midfield.

14. “Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.” – on veteran striker Paul Furlong.

13. “If he’s only worth £4 million, then I’m a Scotsman called Mctavish.” – Again on bids received for captain Charlie Adam

12. “Have you ever seen The Incredibles? They have a a kid and he’s just so quick, like ‘WOOSH’ and he’s gone, and they call him ‘Dash’. – on Scott Sinclair, then on loan at Argyle.

11. “It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. (…) If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.” – on Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton mooning Everton fans

Continue to the NEXT PAGE for ten more classic Holloway quotes…

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  • Voland
    4 years ago

    Unique! I hope Blackpool stay up so we can listen to Holloway’s punchlines for many seasons to come!

    Reply
  • fruss
    4 years ago

    Holloway has a hollow way of thinking and i hope blackpoo sees red in may

    Reply
  • Tom
    4 years ago

    The day Blackpool got promoted was the day I knew the world would come to love Holloway. He has always been a highlight of mine and my god he can manage a football club.

    Reply
  • Ron
    4 years ago

    Just love #4 about Ronaldo
    “Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive”

    Reply
  • David Talisman
    4 years ago

    Talking about his sides bad luck he once said: “We could have fallen into a barrel of tits and come out sucking our thumbs.”

    Reply
  • albey
    4 years ago

    I think that he is the best thing to hit the premier league with out doubt imagine his team talks they must be brilliant long may he and his team stay in the premier league and thats after his team have taken 6 points off my beloved liverpool well done Ian Holloway your a top class fella

    Reply
  • Bristol Spurs
    3 years ago

    Gurt lush proper job he is…

    Makes a change from “I did not zee it” “I thinka we make-a da good goal, iz good yes, I am eppy?” and all the players in Cliche corner.

    Reply
  • CrazyDonkey
    2 years ago

    Quote 2 should be at the top. It is an absolute classic. No one remembers the one about Big Brother (apart from you of course)

    Reply
  • blahboy
    8 months ago

    bellend

    Reply
  • Luke
    7 months ago

    My favourite is…..

    “I’ve had such bad luck at the moment that if I fell in a barrel of boobs I’d come out sucking my thumb.”

    Classic!

    Reply