Ian Holloway comedy genius: His top 20 quotes of all time
Football needs a few characters that’s why the Special One, Jose Mourinho was so valued in the Premier League. It’s a serious game but you need something or someone to lighten the mood and while Robbie Savage is engaging in some down right hilarious banter on Twitter we have one guy doing it week-in-week out without even realising it. Step forward, Ian Holloway.
As far as I’m concerned this simple Bristolian can do no wrong. A great footballer, a fantastic manager and absolutely brilliant in interviews.
My oh my how that has changed and it was no surprise to me, when I began searching for some of his best quotes, that he’s been waxing lyrical since I was a small child.
It seems now, not a weekend goes by where this man doesn’t offer something to the game of football, whether it be his managerial mastery or his gift for the gab – both are astonishing.
Football aside for a minute, he’s a comedy genius, quote-tastic and here are, in my opinion, his top 20 quotes of all time. The bloke talks so much sense it’s scary and at times, he’s just simply hilarious:
20. “I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose thats one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.” – about the new rule restricting footballers from removing their shirts during a match.
19. “Hasney’s bust his hooter. He can smell round corners now.” – on an injury sustained by central defender Hasney Aljofree.
18. “Sir David Beckham? You’re having a laugh. He’s just a good footballer with a famous bird. Can you imagine if Posh was called Lady Beckham? We’d never hear the end of it!” – on rumours about a possible knighthood for David Beckham.
17. “We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we’d have dealt with County’s first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands.” – after a defeat against Notts County.
16. “Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.” – on criticism from Plymouth Argyle fans during Leicester City’s match against Plymouth Argyle.
15. “It’s all very well having a great pianist playing but it’s no good if you haven’t got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.” – after being criticised for using defensive players in midfield.
14. “Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.” – on veteran striker Paul Furlong.
13. “If he’s only worth £4 million, then I’m a Scotsman called Mctavish.” – Again on bids received for captain Charlie Adam
12. “Have you ever seen The Incredibles? They have a a kid and he’s just so quick, like ‘WOOSH’ and he’s gone, and they call him ‘Dash’. – on Scott Sinclair, then on loan at Argyle.
11. “It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. (…) If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.” – on Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton mooning Everton fans