And relax. At last, it is over. Four months of rabid speculation, frantic dealing, and last-day panicking. Big Ben bonged, and the transfer window was slammed shut. There is a god.

As usual, the papers were full of a relentless torrent of drivel and information placed there by agents keen to ramp up interest in their players.

The summer was also full of talk of endless swap deals. How many times have you seen swap deals in football? It rarely happens, yet every transfer window we see hundreds of rumours about players swapping clubs, often with some cash thrown in – such deals would be very hard to broker. It does happen (James Milner and Stephen Ireland springs to mind), but not as often as the rumours seem to think it will.

But throughout it all, you could rely on one thing – there would be ridiculous transfer rumours on a daily basis.

The month of May started on an appropriately crazy note, with Nigel Reo Coker's agent talking of a move to Napoli. On the 4th May, the Daily Mail reckoned that 'Jose Mourinho is ready to rival Manchester United and Liverpool in the £15m race for Ashley Young'. The Daily Star on the 6th May claimed Manchester City were to bid £30m + James Milner for Gareth Bale. The same day it was reported that Juventus wanted Ipswich striker Connor Wickham and Blackburn defender Phil Jones

On the 17th May, The Mirror reported that City were going in for Christiano Ronaldo. City had previously been linked with Xavi by the same paper.

Off the pitch, and on 31st May it was reported that Craig Bellamy was a leading contender to replace Dave Jones, who was sacked as Cardiff boss after the club's play-off failure according to the Daily Mail. The Guardian also declared that Bellamy was the favourite to replace Jones.

Next, came the surprise link of Jermain Defoe to Arsenal. Yeah, that was going to happen.

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On the 12th June, and the news broke again in the Mirror of Christiano Ronaldo wanting £400,000 a week to join Manchester City, who had sent hima  picture of a Bentley covered in money to try and presuade him. Seems perfectly credible to me.

The Metro newspaper, always first with the big stories, reported in mid-June: Manchester City and Chelsea will submit bids for David Villa if Barcelona choose to cash in on the Spanish international forward in order to fund a move for Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas. 

The next day, the Mirror said that Blackburn were after Emmanuel Adebayor, as part of a £30m spending spree. How did that go chaps?

Next, at the People, came news of Joey Barton going to Arsenal. Rumours also resurfaced about Marcus Senna going to Swansea.

On the 21st June, the Irish independent reported that Liverpool were one of five clubs after John O’ Shea.

The following day, The Sun brought us news that Barcelona were planning a £27.5million bid for David Luiz.

They claimed: 'The Brazilian, signed from Benfica, has indicated he might listen to an offer from Barca, but only if Chelsea give their blessing.”

More bizarrely than that was The Daily Mail reporting that Zenit St Petersburg were considering a move for Adebayor.

Then came the most ridiculous story of all, which could never possibly have happened...

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BAYERN BID FOR JENNINGS.

Tranmere manager Les Parry has confirmed Bayern Munich have made an undisclosed offer for teenage striker Dale Jennings.

Liverpool-born Jennings stepped off the bench to make his first-team debut last September in the home draw against Charlton and made his first start the following Saturday at Colchester. He made a total of 32 appearances last season for Rovers, scoring six goals.

The deal was even stranger considering that Bayern Munich have no scouting network whatsoever in England. It is thought that Dietmar Hamann, himself a surprise mover this summer to Stockport as manager, alerted Bayern Munich to Jenning’s talent when he played against him last season for MK Dons.

Absolutely crazy talk, that could never….oh hang on, they signed him.

Into July, and Arsenal were now linked with John O’ Shea, which will have stirred the loins of the Emirates faithful.

On the 7th July, came news that Manchester City were ready to send Roque Santa Cruz to the Middle East - with owner Sheikh Mansour's Al Jazira and Qatari's Al Sadd keen to sign him. He went to Real Betis in the end.

The next day came the biggest story of all -Skysports.com understands that Marlon Harewood has joined Chinese club Shenzhen Phoenix.

And he had, on a six-month deal.

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Manchester City were soon linked to Aquilani. The Daily Mirror then announced that 'Blackburn are making a remarkable move for Spanish legend Raul - and hope to talk him into a final move to the Premier League.'

There was better to come though, on the 24th July. The Sunday Times gambled (and lost) its credibility by publishing the bombshell claim that Manchester United were considering buying Joey Barton from Newcastle.

Into August, and the Mirror reported that Everton were willing to swap Jack Rodwell for Peter Crouch. On the 11th August, the Daily Mail ran a story linking Joey Barton to Zenit St Petersburg

Benjani was amazingly linked to non-league Stockport – he was training with them after all, but ended up signing for Portsmouth (again).

On the 15th August, reports resurfaced linking Raul to Blackburn again. If you want a spurious reason for the link, read on:

'After scoring a brilliant solo goal against Cologne on Saturday, Raul made a point of not celebrating. It was being seen as a sign he could be on his way. Steve Kean is interested but has a limited budget while Malaga and Russian side Anzhi have also shown interest.’

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And as for transfer deadline the day – well where would you start? The holy grail of baseless rumour-mongering, the stories flew about like confetti in the wind. The usual stuff of course of people, with people seeing Christiano Ronaldo in Manchester Airport, Raul in a chippy in Darwen, and Xavi entering in the back door of Goodison (all football stadiums have a little back door that few know about). The most ridiculous rumour on twitter was that Manchester City had bid £100m + Mario Balotelli for Lionel Messi – and that Barcelona were considering the deal. Amazingly, it never happened - I can’t think why.

And at the end of it all, Samuel Eto’o is playing in Dagestan, Owen Hargreaves in the blue half of Manchester, Scott Carson is in Turkey, and Carlos Tevez is still flitting between the two restaurants of Manchester. You couldn’t make it up.