As transfer deadline day approaches, withering yet more precious life fragments from our ultimately pointless existences, like a child whose pined all Christmas for that dream present only to find Santa has given it to that rich brat down the road and he’s been left to make do with a barely functioning second hand training bike on loan from Wigan which his father had to sell his favorite jumper to afford – now’s as good a time as any to compile a list!

And surely it’s that time again where we mockingly predict things that are inevitably likely to happen on planet football before the window closes, finally affording us sweet, blessed, gentle release from the madness, and all that endless, endless speculation.

Click on the burning Fernando Torres shirt to unveil the top 1o