Oscar Pye-Jeary @oscar-pye-jeary ?

If cab drivers, tabloid newspapers, radio phone ins and Carlsberg adverts have taught me anything, it’s that the one thing an England captain needs to be, is passionate. In fact, if any of those things have taught me anything at all, it’s that all an England captain need be is passionate. Actual footballing ability is an [...]

As transfer deadline day approaches, withering yet more precious life fragments from our ultimately pointless existences, like a child whose pined all Christmas for that dream present only to find Santa has given it to that rich brat down the road and he’s been left to make do with a barely functioning second hand training bike on [...]

At least no times a year am I asked what I think the differences between football spectating in Europe and North America are, but when asked by a friend if I’d like to attend a Baseball game during a hastily arranged stay in New York last week, the idea tickled my fancy. “No” I thought, I’d rather [...]

And so we’re back. And after an eventful summer of rioting ruffians, dying divas and hack happy hacks it all boils down to one thing. Gary Neville has a big new pencil. Having spent the best part of my summer attempting to write a sitcom pilot about a deviously immoral tabloid editor, but finding a dead [...]

The 31 st of August. Just another day in the football calendar, albeit one without any actual football, but distinguished slightly by the ending of the time period allotted to register new players. Little more than a necessary logistical failsafe, to cross the i’s and dot the t’s and generally make sure all the cumbersome bureaucratic paper [...]

And so we’re back. And after an eventful summer of rioting ruffians, dying divas and hack happy hacks it all boils down to one thing. Gary Neville has a big new pencil. Having spent the best part of my summer attempting to write a sitcom pilot about a deviously immoral tabloid editor, but finding a dead [...]

One thing never goes out of fashion: Retro. This of course can mean absolutely anything that isn’t now, which is precisely why it never goes out of fashion. The new England kits, both suitably dapper and marvelously chic are certainly retro. The home one belongs in the Stanley Matthews era, where football shirts were essentially rugby [...]

Movies. Movies are great aren’t they? A wise man once said; “Men like films where lots of people die very quickly and women like films where one person dies very slowly” . Failing this of course, sports films can often do the trick for men in lieu of a decent body count per minute ratio. Except that is, [...]

If given enough time and purpose I could write a long and poisonous diatribe against the evils of Sky television. With it’s egregious presentation, farcical hyperbole and pre-Premier League amnesia it’s virtually short hand for all that is ill in the modern game. Why if I were a semi decent mid-table Premier League youngster I’d be [...]

And so there we sat, the footballing world, huddled inside on a still freshly enjoyable evening, lips pursed, bums squeaking, fingers poised with intent over the twittersphere, primed in anticipation and wet with giddiness at the prospect of watching the pinnacle of the beautiful game in all it’s glorious fruition. The two biggest sides, the two [...]

For the 15 th time in 12 weeks, both diminutive retro haired cartoon dormouse Lionel Messi and varnished pants mannequin Cristiano Ronaldo scored hat tricks in their respective La Liga matches. “That’s impossible” you may claim. And you may be technically right, but whatever the amount really is (It’s actually three) Ronaldo now has a quite ridiculous [...]

Movies. Movies are great aren’t they? A wise man once said; “Men like films where lots of people die very quickly and women like films where one person dies very slowly” . Failing this of course, sports films can often do the trick for men in lieu of a decent body count per minute ratio. Except that is, [...]

Goal II was on television the other day. You know the one, it’s the second film in the Hollywood football trilogy about a wide eyed Mexican everyman puppy thing who dreams of becoming an unrealistic footballer and bedding a Geordie nurse. I’m still undecided on Goal II. I’ve decided it’s bad of course, obviously, but I’m [...]

1. Snow business like no business – It is my solemn duty, and deep regret to announce that my report-stroke-all-to-obvious-and-try hard-attempts-at-comic-observation from the Blackpool – Manchester United game have been cancelled due to bad weather. I’d been struggling in the run up to the encounter as it was, perturbed by the fact that writing from home [...]

Loveable, no-nonsense, salt of the earth footballer, part-time fireman, helicopter pilot and humanitarian Kev “The Elbow” Davies gets the opportunity of his life as Big Boss Fab “Fabulous” Capello calls him up to the England squad. Can our Kev seize his chance and go on to the big time? Can Fabio turn around his waining fortunes with [...]

How to win friends and influence people. Always a good knack to have that. David Beckham seems to be pretty good at it, especially now he’s showcased his astounding ability to wear a scarf. Jamie O Hara , not so much it seems. It’s always good at international level to be seen to be proud of playing for [...]