Jose Mourinho is killing football. He’s football’s answer to fascism, and Chelsea are his death squad, looking to inflict genocide on anything within the realms of the beautiful game that might be remotely considered entertaining.

As widely expected, the Blues set up incredibly defensive as they took on free-scoring Liverpool at Anfield in today’s Premier League title-deciding clash. Three in central midfield, a refusal to commit players going forward and next to no presence in the Reds’ half. In fact, thus far, Brendan Rodgers have claimed 70% possession, despite being a goal down.

But Chelsea’s commitment to murdering the spirit of English football reached new heights when Blues understudy Mark Schwarzer began to deliberate over every goal-kick for incredibly prolonged periods before even reaching half time!

Luis Suarez, no stranger to controversy himself, felt compelled to applaud the Aussie’s extraordinary time-wasting, when he begun to introduce it into open play:

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