It’s often a mystery as to what goes on in the minds of many football managers.

The words that cascade from their lips during interviews and press conferences at times don’t necessarily reflect their mood or their true feelings. So here’s an idiot’s guide to translating football talk.

1. “This club has a great tradition” – We don’t want to separate the past from present because we’re rubbish nowadays

2. “I have a philosophy and I won’t change it” – Philosophy. Hmm, I sound clever. I also have no ‘Plan B’

3. “The atmosphere was incredible” – I’ve never heard so many people swear so many times in such a short space of time

4. “Every game is a cup final from here” – Do I get a trophy if I win?

5. “He was absolutely unplayable” – My name is Paul Lambert and Christian Benteke scored today

6. “The ref has had an absolute shocker” – We lost

7. “The ref has had a good game” – We won

8. “I retain the board’s full support” – Maybe this will divert their attention while I sneak out the backdoor

9. “It’s a must-win game” – As opposed to last week’s must-draw game

10.“I don’t want to comment” – I’m happy with my bank account as it is thank you

11. “It was a game of two halves” – According to my observations

12. “It’s a transitional period. It will take time” – I’ve inherited a bunch of losers

13. “We’re just taking it one game at a time” – Last season we took it two games at a time and it didn’t work

14. “I don’t know what we’ve got to do to win.” – No seriously, I don’t know what we’ve got to do to win

15. “I didn’t see it” – I saw it

16. “It was a game full of passion” – It was one of the most violent games I’ve witnessed

17. “We’re now just focusing on the next game” – We want to forget about this one

18. “In football you never know” – I would like to announce my departure from (insert club here)

19. “There’s never an easy game in this league” – Forgive me if we lose

20. “There’s never an easy game at this level” – We’re really looking forward to this week’s home game against Hyde FC

21. “It wasn’t as easy as it looked” – I could have played my Nan in goal

22. “The scoreline flatters them” – The scoreline flattered us

23. “We could have had double figures” – We could have had triple figures

24. “He worked his socks off tonight” – He was terrible

25. “He’s a passionate lad” – He’s a bit of a thug

26. “He’s experienced” – He hacked their striker down deliberately, good decision

27. “He’s inexperienced” – He hacked their striker down deliberately, bad decision

28. “The lads are really fired up for this one” – They’re ready to go out there and smash it

29. “He’s a real character” – He’s an idiot

30. “We’ll just keep on fighting” – All hope is lost

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