Mock the Week: Clueless Arsenal fans, crocked Kane and much more

The last week of football has all been a little chopped up, hasn’t it? What with the FA Cup, Premier League action and then a bit of Champions League, it’s hard to know whether you are coming or going. Still, it’s given us plenty of things to have a look at today.

Anything Arsenal “fan” based is currently great material. I personally enjoyed the Twitter account that suggested “Arsenal are doing to Lincoln what Bayern did to us. It’s getting embarrassing for Lincoln City now!”

I mean, where do you actually start with that? I am not one for censoring anyone’s use of social media, but maybe the idea is starting to grow on me. I can imagine this guy now, getting very excited as Ozil glided across the pitch, fresh as a daisy having only played ten minutes, against a non-league side that were, frankly, knackered having shown more heart, ability, passion and discipline in the the first 45 minutes than Arsenal had managed in 180 against Bayern.

And as for Koscielny, I’m sure some people have claimed in recent memory that he is world class. That Lincoln winger sent him so far the other way that he nearly ended up playing for Spurs at White Hart Lane the next day. He is about as world class as I am. At cricket. Trust me, we lost by 200 runs in a 40 over game at the weekend, that takes some doing. Maybe Koscielny could give us some tips on chasing after a ball that is moving quicker than we are?

Anyway, on to Spurs. They played the ever so friendly Millwall and before half time, it looked as if their season had come tumbling down. Harry Kane was unable┬áto walk it off and has done his ankle. This will hit Tottenham’s bid for the double hard, and hit Dele Alli even harder. I mean, he didn’t look anywhere near as comfortable doing that handshake with Son, did he? Spurs didn’t exactly fall apart, though. A 6-0 scoreline meant that Millwall were more embarrassed than Lincoln, or Spurs are better than Arsenal, or something. Even Vincent Janssen scored from open play.

We don’t need to talk too much about Boro losing to City. We all knew how that was going to end up and it’s about time Karanka experimented with a game plan that has a little more than “play for 0-0” scribbled down.

More interesting was the game at Stamford Bridge on Monday night. Jose really hates Eden, doesn’t he? I am sure he only picked Phil Jones to kick him. Mind you, that could be said about many of the United side. Exactly how thick is Ander Herrera? It’s not as if Michael Oliver hadn’t done the theatrically mimed “fouls, fouls everywhere so the next one gets a yellow” moments before Herrera made the league’s biggest diver laugh before he hit the floor.

Not that Jose noticed, he was too busy trying to make a point to the Chelsea fans calling him Judas. At first I thought he has holding up three fingers to remind them how many times Roman has sacked him until I realised I had miscounted.

Over in the Premier League, Liverpool were playing a side outside of the top six in Burnley. It wasn’t the greatest surprise in the world when Burnley went ahead. The bigger surprise was that Liverpool got back in it and won.

I reckon Tony Pulis looked at the league table recently and thought, “whoa that’s getting a little too close to Europa League football for my liking and there is no way the wife will let me miss the summer holiday on the Costa del Sol!” Therefore, to avoid any chance of football in June, West Brom went out and gave Everton a bye, losing 3-0 and putting Everton in prime position to be in Europa League qualification whilst everyone else is sipping cocktails by the pool.

Ronald and Romelu don’t care – they’re not going to be there anyway! It’s Ashley Williams I feel sorry for, he won’t be going anywhere.

I believe Marco Silva has a Paul Merson dartboard in his office. Everytime Marco does something right, he throws another dart at Merse, grinning back at him. Silva’s Hull were losing to Swansea so Marco chucked on Oumar Niasse. Hull went on to win. He’s getting the hang of this English Premier League malarky, is Marco.

Eddie Howe got a much needed win, noticing that the Hammers are a bit rubbish at right-back and that Mark Noble has seen better days. Maybe they could point this out to Slaven?

Anyway, we end this week with the breaking news from the Leicester City film set. Apparently the moneymen behind the Leicester movie were not happy with how the script was taking shape – they could not allow the old guy to get them relegated. You know what Americans are like for English heritage, so as soon as they heard there was this guy called Shakespeare at the club ready to write his own scripts, well you know what happened next.

Seriously. Leicester might win the Champions League. If they get Manchester City (if they get through tonight) in the quarter-finals, anything could happen. It’s just a shame Arsenal and PSG are already out as I am sure they would have roll(ed) over for Shakespeare.

Oh, that was Beethoven, wasn’t it. Never mind.

Article title: Mock the Week: Clueless Arsenal fans, crocked Kane and much more

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