Mug Punter Morris looks ahead to the weekend's Premier League programme and tries to decipher where his wins will come from.
'INVESTING IN A BETTER FUTURE'
They say ''sorry always seems to be the hardest word''. Nonsense. I can
list at least 3 words that are harder…triskadekophobia,
paraphernalia, and err…what's that dinosaur called, oh yeah,
diplodocus. Easy. Obviously a deliberate misinterpretation of the
phrase on my part just to show you some of the big words I've got
stored in my locker, coagulation, but
anyway my point being sorry is not hard to say, unless of course you
happen to be someone who retains some degree of pride, dignity, or even
that old friend of mine that left me long ago, intelligence.
Intelligent people don't apologise, they either go very quiet and nod
their head's in disbelief at your audacity to disagree with them, or my
personal favourite become very loud and animated when shown said
evidence and generally end their statement with the word 'naive'. So
what I'm trying to say, in a roundabout way, to not put too fine a
point on it,…running out of ways to avoid saying it now…, I'm
sorry. Bloody hell, can't believe that took so many words to get out,
that was haaarrd!
Yes that's right 3 bets placed last week, and 3 more losing betting
slips to add to my vast collection. So I apologise if I led you down a
dark alley only to be met and mugged by a bunch of bloodthirsty
bookies, but I saw light at the end of the tunnel, a big red flashing
light accompanied by an air raid siren…I should have known something
was wrong! There's only one way out as far as I can see. You may say
turn around now and run…yeah, let's call that Plan B.
Done. 3 dodgy games as ever, Portsmouth at home to a
team that have scored more goals away from home than Portsmouth have at
home, everton yet to win at home this season, and Liverpool away to an
apparantly reinvigorated Spurs team…oh yes, it's money in the
bank…until it leaves the bank of course and is used to place this
bet! At accumulative odds of between 6/1 upto nearly 7/1 I think it's
worth a few quid, but saying that I thought my nike air huarache's were
worth a few quid when I bought them, turn's out they're manufactured
for next to nothing, bleeding scandalous I tell's ya.
A case can be made in my favour aswell though. Everton need to pick up
a home win sooner or later, and surely against a team who have picked
up 1 point from 12 on the road is a good opportunity. Liverpool who
have only dropped 2 points from a possible 15 away from home, against
bottom of the table spurs who've just appointed Arthur Daley to run the
show. And finally Portsmouth because…because…because they should
win because of the thing, and they've got that bloke playing for them,
and, yeah that'll do. Don't know about you but I'm convinced!
Failing collecting on the treble, which realistically has to be taken
into consideration as a possibilty, very slim possibility granted (if
reassurance is required please review previous paragraph whilst
intoxicated and/or while vision is temporarily out of focus), I will be
utilising Plan B. Unfortunately not Plan B as detailed above which has
now been demoted to Plan C, but hidden secret Plan B which is a scheme
devised from much deliberation, and dare I say it genius, bet more
money more often at bigger odds. I don't think the turf accountants
will see that one coming. Fiendish.