Mug Punter Morris,
still smiling after taking William Hill
to the cleaners last week, looks ahead to the weekend's fixtures and picks out
his top tips.
‘Investing to win a
A winner. A bet based on gut feeling more than
investigation. Arsenal to beat Man Utd. I think I might be onto something here.
Throw all form out the window, put on a blindfold and stagger into the bookies,
bumble around for 10 minutes trying to find the football section, offend
several fellow punters with your wandering hands, and then pick out a random
selection. You may think this is a scheme of lunacy but given the fact I also
tipped up a treble involving West Ham, Aston Villa, and Hull last weekend with
ALL 3 getting beaten at home, at short odds I hasten to add, then form clearly
counts for sod all…well at least it doesn't when I'm having a bet.
I'm sure many of you saw the chosen selections getting
turned over long before kickoff, and thank-you for trying to warn me off them,
but once I've made a decision on a bet I'm afraid it's like watching deal or no
deal – you don't want to do it but some mental deficiency hidden within the
dark abyss of your mind tells you it's a good idea. On a note that has nothing
to do with football…who in all their wisdom let that two bob, beard wearing,
steamed vegetable eating, Mr. blobby marketing, biro doodling on the hand, poor
jean wearing skills, hippy back on the telly. If I hear him refer to tactics
one more time about a game that involves nothing more than pure random luck (22 to 1 being the odds that all the tactics
in the world ain't gonna change) I will apply to channel 4 for a job as a
cleaner, hopefully get the job, work there for a year or two, grow a beard, get
in with Edmonds by drawing weather forecasts on my hands as to insinuate 'I'm
one of you', gain his trust, then when he least expects it….tell him I'm not
a big fan of the show! Or I could just change the channel….yeah I'll probably
just change the channel.
Whoa. What just happened? Apologies for the rant, but if I
didn't get that off my chest me and the next goatee wearing bloke I met were
gonna have a disagreement of some sort…I've already incurred a 35 year bad
luck penalty through smashing mirrors round the flat due to my own fur faced
Think football Morris, think football. This coming weekend
to my delight see's an almost full Saturday coupon for the Premiership. So many
opportunities to lose money, oh how grateful I am. Leaving alone the obvious
selection of Man Utd at home to Stoke for a host of reasons, mainly being home
win odds of around 1/6 at best makes
it not worth getting involved unless you happen to be shelling out £10,000 on
the single, and also anyone who is not a Man Utd fan I'm pretty sure will be
cheering on Stoke like a born and bred local. Aston Villa don't look a dreadful
bet at 7/1 best price away to
Arsenal but given them losing at home to Middlesbrough last weekend I really
don't know what to think, so reluctantly must avoid them. Looking at most of
the other games I'm thinking any of them could go either way, so an interest
bet incorporating as many selections for a small layout is the way to go I
think. A full cover bet of a Lucky 15, double the odds if only 1 winner comes
up and various bonus incentives for 4 winners with different bookies.
Lucky 15: Singles, doubles, trebles and an accumulator, 15
times the initial stake, for anyone who doesn't know.
Fernando Torres 1st goalscorer @ 4/1 (Bolton vs Liverpool)
Tottenham to beat Fulham 2-1 @ 9/1 (Fulham vs Tottenham)
Draw – Half Time/ Chelsea – Full Time @ 7/2 (West Brom vs Chelsea)
*Aston Villa to score first and not win @ 9/2 (Arsenal vs Aston Villa)
*Bet only available with bluesq and 888 – worthy bet on its
own I think, given the amount of times Arsenal have gone 1-0 down before coming
back to get a draw or a win.
I'm the first to admit if you're serious about having a punt
in the hope of trying to win money, this is certainly not the way to do it.
Pick out one or two strong selections you are confident about and steam into
them fearlessly, and then if/when they lose get involved in 'interest' bet's
like the one shown above, just to dull the pain of not having a gamble in which
you are likely to win. I have to do bet's like the one above as I've worked too
long and too hard to get the word's 'mug
punter' as a prefix to my name and can't afford to get a second winner in
two weeks as it goes against all I stand for, and….hang on a second, what in
the name of sweet Jesus' unicycle (yeah it's a phrase) am I babbling on about,
my title is not a good thing. Back Man Utd at 1/6. There you go another winner…or is it?…Well,
Must dash now as Noel's just come on the telly, and I've got
some bitter, angry, shouting to do. ''Please only win a penny, please only win
a penny'' (you know it's the only reason
you watch it as well).