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A to Z of Balotelli

Much has been written on the life of Mario Balotelli, indeed he has now transformed himself into one of football’s favourite characters. To honour the Italian, here is the ultimate A-Z of Balotellisms.

A – is for AC Milan. Appeared on TV whilst in the employment of bitter rivals Inter wearing an AC shirt.

B – is for Bibotelli. We’ve all seen the video of him failing to put on his bib during a pre-match warm up. Twice.

C – is for Christmas Eve. Went into the Tudor Pub in Manchester and put £1000 behind the bar for the locals to enjoy. He then turned up to midnight mass and stuck another £250 in the donations pot.

D – is for Darts. And especially throwing them at youth team players. It was his idea of a ‘prank.’

E – is for Exaggeration. There are so many rumours flying around about Balotelli that you could literally make up anything. It has been suggested the Italian employs an agent to spread such information to get good publicity. The latest to do the rounds was that Mario paid for 100 homeless people to stay at the Hilton over Christmas.

F – is for Fireworks. Has a fondness for the flashy sticks of explosive. Especially when they’re let off in his bathroom.

G – is for Grass. Suffered an apparent allergic reaction during a match against Dynamo Kiev.

H – is for Homeless. Won a shedload in a casino during a night out with Chris Samba, only to give a tramp outside a cool grand.

I – is for Impoundings. His Maserati has currently attracted 27 impoundings since his move to Manchester that has resulted in fines of £10,000. Also parked across City’s training ground entrance and blocked out the staff.

J – is for John Lewis. Needed to buy an iron, mop and hoover for his Mum. Came back with a giant trampoline, Scalextric, two Vespa scooters amongst other things.

K – is for Killing Time. When selected as a substitute for Italy’s game against the Faroe Islands, Balotelli decided to pass the time by playing his iPad on the bench. Italian boss Cesare Prandelli was reportedly not impressed.

L – is for Ladotelli. Apparently visits clubs with friends and gets said friends to say to the girls, ‘Balotelli will see you now.’

M – is for Mafia. Was once given a tour of Naples by Mafia bosses. Questioned after by police for apparent links. Mario claims not to have known they were gangsters.

N – is for National Shirt. Mario turned out for Italy in a friendly against Uruguay but appeared for the second half wearing the old Italian shirt despite sporting the new kit in the first half. He doesn’t have much luck with tops.

O – is for Over Confidence. The one downside to Balotelli. He rather loves himself, something that comes across in a rather arrogant manner as displayed by his pre-season backheel against LA Galaxy.

P – is for Prison. Him and brother Enoch were stopped after trespassing in a Women’s Prison in Brescia. Mario said he was ‘curious.’

Q – is for Quad Bike. Designed his own racing track for his back garden.

R – is for Rooney. Spotted the prostitute Mr Rooney once had his way with in an Italian restaurant where he proceeded to chant ‘Rooney, Rooney’ at her.

S – is for Swearing. After City’s FA Cup victory, Balotelli said live on air to the BBC ‘I’ve been s**t this season. Can I say that?’ No Mario, no you can’t.

T – is for Truancy. When a young admirer asked for an autograph, Balotelli questioned why he wasn’t in school. Upon hearing the young lad was the victim of bullying, he promptly drive to the school and resolved the issue with the Head Teacher.

U – is for Unbelievably Rich. Balotelli was stopped by police in Manchester with £25,000 on his passenger seat. His reasoning? ‘Because I can.’

V – is for Violence. Balotelli is often known as a hot head on the field, but clashes with teammates have been frequent since his move from Inter. Had a recent dust up with Micah Richards, not to mention previous scraps with Jerome Boateng, Vincent Kompany and Aleksandar Kolarov.

W – is for Why Always Me. The infamous T-Shirt celebration after scoring against rivals Man Utd.

X – is for X Rated Magazines. Mario was once rumbled flicking through the saucy stuff on the top shelf of a newsagents.

Y – is for Young Player. Mario was at his humblest when accepting the award for Best Young Player in Europe. When asked about runner up Jack Wilshere, he replied:“What’s his name? Wil … ? No, I don’t know him, but the next time I play against Arsenal I will keep a close eye on him…Perhaps I can show him the Golden Boy trophy and remind him that I won it.”

Z – is for Zealous. After City’s astonishing 6-1 win over rivals United in which Balotelli played a key part, the striker drove round Manchester high-fiving anyone he saw sporting a City shirt, being the excitable young character he is.

Read more of my articles at The CoinToss

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Article title: A to Z of Balotelli

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