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COCKNEY RAY CALAMITY

HTB, the agency behind Bet366’s ultra-successful in-game gambling ad campaign, have publicly apologised to Ray Winston’s family for losing his body. WOB understands that Victor Mellish, the agency account manager in charge of Ray Winston, lost the millionaire actor’s body during the first game of the World Cup. Ray Winston’s trademark head, which he refers to as “my mug, you mug”, had been surgically removed from his body for the World Cup for commercial purposes in a unique operation which Winstone described as “bleedin’ tremendous, like a luvverly gobful of Cliquot”.

“I’d turned away for a second,” said a desperate Mellish,  “I was helping my girlfriend, Harumi, off her penny farthing, and Ray was gone. His head. And his body. I haven’t been in to work since.”

Ray Winston’s head has been located, but is trapped in the annoying bit between televised football.  Doctors are unsure how long he can survive, but HTB has opted to send in a second head to keep the jellied eel fan company.  “We were concerned that he would die of loneliness, and wouldn’t be able to terrify toddlers as he has done since the start of the World Cup,” said senior account director Tam Piscay, “But we’ve found a suitable companion head to keep Ray strong.”

Ray Winstone's only friend.

Ray Winstone’s only friend.

WOB spoke to a hopeful Jamie Winstone, as the also-Cockney actress trawled her father’s old East End haunts, searching for the rest of him. “We’re keeping our chins up,” said Jamie. “The East End has changed so much in the last thirty years. We only hope he hasn’t fallen down a manhole or got stuck in the plastic bits they use to keep a lager six-packs together, like that penguin in Happy Feet.”

Article title: COCKNEY RAY CALAMITY

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