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Emmanuel EBOUE’s unofficial World Cup Diary

Dear Diary

It’s good to be with my international team mates for the World Cup. We have been having such a good time, laughing and dancing with one another when training is over. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of fun in London but there are one or two guys who always interfere and ruin it for the rest of us. Like, when I’m telling a joke and Andrey cuts me off saying I’m not that funny, how none of us at Arsenal are really that funny. He’s been going on and on about how funny the guys at Barcelona are and how much he’d like to tell them jokes. But to be honest, I don’t think he’s funny enough to make any of those guys laugh. He should really focus on getting a laugh out of us.

And William, he’s so annoying sometimes. After the game against Fulham Theo, Bacary and I were doing a little dance for the guys and the Boss but William came storming into the changing room and demanded we read his screenplay. The Boss just got up and left so it was up to me to break the awkwardness. I took the wad of paper from William and decided to read it aloud. He’d written a screenplay about a misunderstood postal worker and it began with a forty minute monologue. I gave it a chance, but it was so boring I had to stop. We all told him he shouldn’t waste his time with screenplays because he’s a decent footballer and should focus on coming back to training instead of taking those philology classes but he ignored us and went to take a shower, fully clothed. Lukasz seemed interested though, so I threw the script his way but he dropped it. We finished the dance but everyone’s mood had been brought down.

Apart from those two we still have a lot of fun. Before everyone left for international duty we did a talent show. Cesc created a hand-made wooden replica of the Nou Camp, Nicklas did a break dance routine but just kind of rolled around on the floor for a while, and William did a two-and-a-half-hour complete re-enactment of Denzel Washington from Training Day. He didn’t break from character the whole night and only answered us if we called him Alonzo. But Alex stole the show and got almost everyone’s votes and the Boss was happy because we were all smiling again.

The World Cup will be great, I’ll keep you updated. It’s been odd training with Kolo again; he seems to have forgotten how to play. And Sven does strange things…he’ll be silent for hours before saying something that no one can understand – he whispers too much. It’s a shame about Didier but the doctors are saying he could make it for the match against Portugal next week. We have to be careful, they’ve got Ronaldo. I’ve played against him many times but was most impressed at the end of season party in 2009 where we danced together for two hours. We learnt a lot that night. Ok, I have to go now, Kolo is asking me to explain offsides to him again.

[Please note that this is a spoof series and doesn’t represent the genuine views of Emmanuel Eboue]

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Article title: Emmanuel EBOUE’s unofficial World Cup Diary

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