As the most exciting World Cup in 4 years kicks off, the UK  government revealed it is prepared for unprecedented outbreaks of joy and elation should England win.
And WOB! has learned that expectations extend not just to “victory in any of their tough group games” but “actually winning that shiny gold trophy”.
WOB! understands all the major emergency services are on standby in case of what a government source, who refused to be named, refers to as “the mega-giga-tera-doomsday-apocalypse event”.
Last night London’s Trafalgar Square was cordoned off for training exercises as students deserted their revision and pretended to be excited England fans while a full time whistle blew, wielded by the winner of a competition held by an online sportswear retailer.
Major and minor supermarkets have been encouraged to offer the basics required to sustain life in Britain, such as bread, milk, cheap lager, tenuous Brazilian-themed meal deals involving mango pizza and temporarily fashionable St George flag merchandise- especially pens, socks and shoddy key rings.

‘Honestly, it won’t be that bad,’ promised a scared looking functionary.