Evra, Eboue, Gallas and co get tweeting

A lighthearted tweet conversation between members of the French squad and Mr Toure and Eboue.

[Please note that this is a spoof series and doesn’t represent the actual views of Evra, Gallas, Henry, Eboue and Toure]

Sitting back and watching the football. Better to be at home away from the traitor in our ranks. Wish we were allowed to tell-all…

It’s harder than it looks to stay quiet, init Pat? They’re going to edit so much of our interview from Monday.

What interview?

Titi, Eric and I were asked to do an interview for French TV on Monday. It wasn’t a big deal. We were just fielding a few questions.

Yeh, Willie – don’t worry about it. Nothing important.

No one told me.

They wanted the representatives of the team so it makes sense to ask me and Thierry.

Don’t patronise me. There’s a saying in my country that says ‘you can’t skin an apple twice’. I’m no fool, gentlemen. Eric is almost as stupid as Franck.

We come from your country, Willie. That’s not a saying in France.

William, please can you stop sending me letters. The World Cup is over; I don’t appreciate it any more. Frankly, it’s a little boring.

Like his screen play? HAHA


Not the screenplay nonsense again. Please, no.

Shut up, all of you. When the Postman Prophecies premieres in Leicester Square we’ll see who’s laughing.

Ok, William.

Keep antagonising me. Denzel will be playing me in my own biopic soon enough and you guys will have nothing to do with all of your money.

I read that Postman stuff because the Boss needed someone to break the tension. I didn’t like it that much, Willie. It’s nothing personal.

It should be personal. He’s a twat.

Why haven’t you changed your profile pic, Kolo?

I don’t know how to do it. I’ve asked Manu to help.

I had to do everything for you in South Africa. What the hell happened to you since you moved to Manchester?

I don’t know. I’m forgetting things a lot more now.

Well, well, well, Kolo.

Ok, guys. Relax. There’s no need.

No need, Manu? This man slandered me in front of my peers.

What did he do?

Oh my god, can we stop talking about this. During training all I heard was ‘Do you know what Kolo did to me, Pat? Do you?’. You even told Forlan in the Uruguay game.

Continue reading on page 2…

Hey, he asked me. And you can’t hear the buffalo unless you put your ear to the ground, Patrice.

What does that even mean??

I will leave if you two begin this again.

No, come on. I want to know.

You don’t even know why, Kolo??

I have no idea! One day we were fine, and then the next he’d taken the laces out of my boots and told all the lads I can’t read.

What happened??

Do you really want to know?

Go on then. I can’t believe I’m hearing this again.

Very well. One evening I decided to walk from training and –

Walk? It’s like 17 miles to your house from the training ground, Willie.

I do it when I need some time to myself. It’s ideal actually. I wrote most of my screenplay walking home from training.

Back to the point please, William.

Yes, as I said, I was walking home. And I bumped into Ashley. And he told me that he saw Manu, Ade, Kolo, Theo and Samir all coming out of Krispy Kreme together with doughnuts.

And then what happened?

What do you mean?

There has to be more to this story.

No, that is it.

So why did you fall out with Kolo??

Isn’t it obvious. He’s my central defender partner. There can be no secrets between us. We must be a symbiotic unit. And he didn’t ask me if I wanted doughnuts.

Did you want doughnuts?

That is not the point!

Oh my god.

I told you. Forlan knows this about us too. No wonder we’re being laughed at.

There are no facts, only interpretations.

Shut up. I left Arsenal to live in Manchester over some doughnuts. Bloody hell.

You should do what we did in South Africa. Just ignore him.

I think you should fight him.

Already done both.

In these moments I cling to Gandhi’s words; ‘First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win’.

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