Manchester United – Madonna
Well, it couldn’t be anyone else could it? The parallels between the Red Devils and Lady Madge are uncanny. For consistent periods, both have been definable as the biggest players in their respective fields; United as the undisputed biggest club in the world and Madonna as the biggest artist in the world. Both have reinvented themselves after comparable periods of quiet (displaying what Iain Dowie would refer to as ‘bouncebackability’).
Sir Alex Ferguson has managed to build several different title-winning teams, such as the mid ’90s side of Ince, Kanchelskis and Cantona, the late ’90s side of Yorke/Cole, Giggs, Scholes, Beckham & Keane, as well as the late noughties side of Ronaldo, Rooney, Ferdinand, Vidic et al. After several stints in the musical wilderness Madonna has repeatedly comeback to top the charts, succeeding with her early ’80s music, her mid-90’s ‘Ray of Light’-era return and her early noughties success with ‘Music’.
Liverpool – Guns N’ Roses
Anfield may not resemble ‘Paradise City’ at the minute, but that is not the only reason I have chosen to liken them to hard rockers Guns N’ Roses. Both enjoyed overwhelming success during the late ’80s, but have failed to return to those heady heights since. Band and club alike retain hopes of maintaining their place at the ‘top’ despite intense internal conflict; Liverpool find themselves in the midst of messy ownership, management and personnel problems, whilst Guns N’ Roses have suffered from having a fluctuating line-up and the departure of key members.
Chelsea – U2
Unreasonably successful, intensely disliked and full of old men. This sentiment could apply to both U2 and Chelsea in equal measures. The arrogance-fuelled hatred of Chelsea is not dissimilar to the vitriol aimed at U2’s brash frontman Bono. Since 2005, Chelsea have enjoyed a glorious period of trophy-laden success, whilst U2 continue to sell out the world’s biggest arenas.
Unfortunately for Mr. Abramovich, the club’s failure to land that elusive Champions League crown means that he still hasn’t found what he’s looking for.
Arsenal – Cheryl Cole
Aside from the reprehensible treatment afforded to them by all-round good egg Ashley Cole, the similarities between Arsenal and Cheryl Cole are unquestionable. Both unequivocally look the part, with Arsenal renowned for their pretty football, and Cheryl adored for her stunning looks. However, both flatter to deceive – Arsenal’s aesthetically-pleasing football has yet to yield silverware, whilst Cheryl Cole has failed to ally her good looks with the ability to sing.
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