The Nicklas Bendtner conundrum…will he or won’t he?

“I want to be top scorer in the Premier League, top scorer at the World Cup and, within five years, I want to be among the best strikers in the world…”

“I know that I can be one of the best in the world….I have no doubt that this will happen, so that’s why I take it easy.”

Not the words of Wayne Rooney or Karim Benzema, Alexandre Pato, Gonzalo Higuain or a younger, skinnier less dentally correct Cristiano Ronaldo. Not even the worlds of Emile Heskey, unfortunately, because that would’ve been really funny. No, these are the words of Nicklas Bendtner, Arsenal’s 22-year-old Danish forward.

In the immortal words of Bill Shankly; “Aim for the sky and you’ll reach the ceiling. Aim for the ceiling and you’ll stay on the floor”. However there are two sides to every coin, and in the immortal words of Icarus; “Arrrrrggghhhh”.

To many football fans, Bendtner seems to be over reaching himself a tad. No doubt a good, capable striker, he doesn’t strike most as the kind of player very likely to be up there with Messi and Ronaldo come award season, squirming uncomfortably in a penguin suit as Pele is wheeled out yet again to present him with a bendy gold plate thingy with a little ball in it.

Buoyed by possibly one of the most astounding Hat-Tricks you’re ever likely to see against Porto, Bendtner re-iterated his belief, claiming he was going to do his talking on the pitch and say no more about it, whilst then proceeding to say a little more about it.

“It’s easy to talk. You must also prove it. And so I say no more than what I know will happen,”

”If I look honestly at myself, I see that I do not have a poor technique, not a bad shot and not a bad positional ability than many others around.

“So I take it easy, because in the end I will sit back with a big smile when I have reached my big goal.”

Unfortunately for Nick, FIFA haven’t gotten round to creating the “not bad-est” player of the year award yet, but it’s possible they will – God knows they love a ceremony or two and Pele doesn’t really have much to do these days, apart from constant pharmaceutically enhanced virile love making of course. But maybe my opinion is a little unfair. Maybe those who see him week in, week out, have a better idea of just how good this young titan is. To find out, I took a tape recorder, a smile and a pen and paper I’d been sitting on for half an hour down to the Holloway Road to see what his loyal public thought.

Benjamin, the first person I managed to ambush successfully outside of the Emirates after two Dutchmen and a shop employee had told me to go away, told me he thought he was a joker. Upon asking him what exactly he meant by that, he simply re-iterated the phrase and let out a loud, Brian Blessed like laugh and said it again. So far 100% of Arsenal fans canvassed had thought Nicklas Bendtner was a joker, but being the intrepid reporter I am, I felt the need to investigate further and approached Mac, a large unhealthy looking man sat outside of the Armoury whom I was sure was unable to make any kind of escape. In between wheezing he told me he thought it was possible in 4 or 5 years. Suddenly the results were looking inconclusive, and so I retreated to a pub for further data. The barman of a nicely decorated and incredibly clean looking pub on the Holloway Road unhelpfully informed me that he wasn’t an Arsenal fan, but that he would answer my questions anyway as long as I bought a pint. Forced into this hideous predicament I obliged, where upon he told me he thought Bendtner had a -1 in 100 chance of becoming the best player in the world, and then laughed. With my findings now tipping towards an answer, but compromised by non—Gooner opinion, I felt I had no choice but to stay in the pub longer and wait for more people to ask. Eventually an elderly drunkard swaggered over and told me several wise and worldly things through a haze of incomprehensible speech but I eventually had to strike his input from the record after he said some fairly unsavory things about Sol Campbell. I was now worried that I was probably in a Tottenham pub, but the Arsenal memorabilia on the wall seemed to suggest otherwise so I toughed it out and continued my research over several more compulsory pints.

Eventually I compiled a list of literally 10s of people, but I lost it on the way home, so instead I decided to focus on the easier task of canvassing the Internet.

What say you great general public? Will Nicklas Bendtner eventually reach his goal of being one of the best strikers, nay, players on the planet? Or is he simply being slightly big headed and an ickle bit deluded? My research was incredibly inconclusive, and lost, so it’s over to you….

 


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