It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for, the Sky Sports news ticker has transformed into that eerily seductive yellow. Jim White interrupts proceedings, you’ve edged to the very cliff face of your seat in anticipation and then your dreams materialise right in front of you. After months of speculation, weeks of negotiations and hours of medicals, YOUR club has finally signed THAT player.
It’s a momentous day; this is the man who can transform the fortunes of your beloved team. He arrives with a big reputation, he might even bag a debut goal but somewhere down the line the wheels of your shiny new superstar begin to fall off. He’s fallen out with the manager or started using the physio’s room as his new living quarters. Whatever the reason, he hasn’t lived up to expectations and is now likely to wallow in the reserves until being ushered out the back door, the minute that transfer window opens.
It would be easy to include Fernando ‘cow’s arse with a banjo’ Torres or Andy ‘cow’s arse’ Carroll in this list of faltering superstars but at least they are enjoying first team football at present. These ten players find themselves making impressive bottom indentations on the dugout bench or have been hastily shipped out on loan when no one was looking.
Post your suggestions @theunusedsub and I’ll make sure I lament their ability in a future article.