The Messis and the Ronaldos
Possibly Jamie Redknapp's favourite. What he hasn't quite worked out yet is that there is only one of them. Why cant commentators just say, a certain player is as as Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo. As well as this, Jamie Redknapp does this with teams. Can Tottenham compete with the likes of the Chelsea's and the Arsenal's and the Manchester United's. It is a highly annoying way of making a point.
He's misplaced that pass – you wont see him do that again.
The chances are the commentator has built up a great passer for the past eight hours of coverage and he has just passed the ball out of play. Of course he will do it again – he is human and his statistics show that he will. This phrase normally comes out during the World Cup where television bosses not only test our patience by putting Adrian Chiles on the television but also get the commentators to patronise us – as if we have never watched Xavi play a game of football.
The Makelele position This is Andy Gray's favourite - when he wants to describe a holding midfielder. Its crazy to think that Andy Gray believes what he is saying – Claude Makelele did not create the holding midfield position, and nor was he the best as it. Ever heard of Pep Guardiola Mr Gray? Totally baffling. The corridor of uncertainty Or just a really good ball into a decent area. This one is annoying because Martin Tyler will jump out of his seat and shout down the microphone to tell everyone that Andy Gray may have once said this. Its a game of two halves Enough said. Continue to PAGE TWO for the rest of the TOP TEN... This is becoming a cricket score Anyone who has been staying up at watching the Ashes will have noticed what a cricket score actually is. For example a cricket score would be something like – 517/1. When a football team gets to 4-0 this does not constitute a cricket score. Although the team that is getting trounced may be described as useless. They have scored too early? How can someone say this with a straight face. So the manager would rather be down 3-0 in the first ten minutes than 1-0 up. Complete nonsense. They wish to create some kind of commentators curse on the team – they think a lot of themselves do these commentators. You can never go in front in a game too early. Put in simple terms – you are winning the game. If you score a second goal you go 2-0 up. Sometimes you just have to hear these sayings to believe them. Unbelievable.
Away goals count double
If you go into a game thinking this, you will be very disappointed when your 3-0 away lead isn't actually 6-0.
Never write off the Germans
When a nation has won the World Cup 3 times it seems a safe bet not to do this. However, commentators rarely tell you this. They coin the phrase - the German's are not what they used to be and have a young poor side. Then they 'surprise' everyone and the commentators remind us they never wrote off the Germans. Have some integrity.
Special European nights as Anfield.
Fair enough there have been some outstanding games played at Anfield over the years but do we need to be reminded of this every single time Liverpool play. Yes we know, You'll Never Walk Alone is a powerful song but for the love of god stop telling us. At least for the next couple of seasons we wont have to hear it.
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Click on Giorgia Palmas below to see her in all her glory
