Wag Weekly: The one Redknapp we are ‘eternally’ grateful for

Using Wikipedia as a quoted resource is frowned upon at the country’s more esteemed universities, largely because the standard mark scheme at these institutions doesn’t account for references attributed to seventeen year old Emo kids from Wisconsin using Immanuel Kant’s page to flaunt their limited understanding of philosophy.

You’d probably get away with it at one of the polytechnics, mind, with their ghastly media courses, but not if you attend a real university.  Here, as well as being proficient at Latin and particularly adept at  having parents who own a ski home in the South of France,  you will expected to follow the proper referencing guidelines.  Or, easier still, use Wikipedia and pretend you followed proper referencing guidelines.

No need for such complications when assessing early nineties girl group Eternal (where we got our first glimpse at a young Louise Nurding), whose fading influence on pop music is amply demonstrated by their rankings on wiki’s ‘do you mean…?’ page:  sixth place.  Intertoto territory.

We can just about forgive their position below ‘Eternity, an infinite amount of time, or a timeless state’.  Theological concepts touching on the likely hood or otherwise of a divine creator, the futility of any one person’s existence and the ultimate purpose and meaning of life itself, are always going to resonate a little heavier on the public’s conscience than female R ‘n’ B groups, even the ones with Smash Hit Poll Winners’ Party awards to their name (1993, Best Group).  And there is no evidence of Eternal songs that actually last for eternity, not even ‘Just a Step from Heaven’ which just feels like it, particularly when being performed by drunk girls on Karaoke.

Where we cannot be as forgiving when assessing their place in popular culture is their Wiki position below largely forgotten, by everybody but the fanboys, Doctor Who and Marvel comic book characters.  We need to face facts here:  if the group’s name was picked with an eventual eye on being accurate comment on their musical legacy, they were being more than a little over ambitious.  Perhaps ‘The Ones Everybody Always Get Confused with All Saints’ would have been a better bet.

I mention all this because former member Louise’s Hubby, Jamie, manages, when passing comment on football matches for Sky television, to blend the key characteristics of Eterntal -bland, pretty…em…Not All Saints- seamlessly with the key characteristic of eternity: NEVER BLOODY ENDING.

You wonder what Louise gets up to when Jamie’s with us.  If she uses alone time on a Sunday afternoon as an excuse to have a lounge about in a beer garden and if at some point during the afternoon she hears a dim murmur of excitement from the people inside watching the football and if, in response to this murmur, she utters to nobody in particular that “it sounds like somebody’s scored” then she has proven herself at least the analytical equal of her husband.  If she manages to do this without somehow picking a petty argument with Ruud Gullit she has proven herself as his vast superior.

How Louise feels about Jamie’s weekly commitment to vapid football non-comment we can only speculate.  Certainly for all the other women prowling the nation’s nightclubs and reality TV shows looking to snatch husbands away from established WAGs, it’s uncommon for the other women to have quite as hairy arms as Richard Keys does.

So an unprecedented challenge for the FHM Women of the Decade, then.  Let’s hope, with the new season approaching, she is able to drag her Jamie away from the lure of the television lights and back into her arms.  Mainly for our sake, but for hers too.

More Louise Redknapp images: Louise Redknapp WAG Gallery

Written by Chris Mackin