That’s the plan for Jurgen ‘Klinsybaby’ Klinsmann’s supersolid Americans as they gear up for today’s decisive clash with the Fatherland- that’s Germany (though for the Janks it’s the Motherland. It’s their dads that are American.) Einer kleiner vogle tells me that Klinsy has been teaching his lads how to do specifically aimed maternal insults- that’s ‘Yo Mama’ gags to you and me. Like ‘Your mama is so FAT she ate all the SAUSAGES at OKTOBERFEST!’ But in German!
He never did score that goal which would have helped out England, but I hear that Italy’s MARIO BALLOTELLI is still down about missing his chance to land a peck on the cheek of Her Maj Liz 2. Apparently the comedy crazy man of calchio was convinced that if he had helped England through, he’d have been a certainty for a KNIGHTHOOD! He’d even bought a new ermine robe in expectation! Come to Arsenal, Mario. Then we’ll see how ENGLISH you are!
IT’S WAR! NOT JUST FOOTBALL!
As the chewy Louie Suarez scandal rolls on, I hear that the entire Uruguayan Navy (two trawlers) is on red alert and if, as expected, the CHIQUI CANNIBAL gets hoofed out of BRAZIL 2014, he will channel his aggression into leading rogue attacks on BRITISH SHIPPING from the bridge of a gunboat. Good luck finding any, Luis! It’s all about PANAMA and George Weah’s LIBERIA these days.