The four things Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp wants most for Christmas

Check your chocolate-filled advent calendars, folks – we’re now just TWO sleeps away from Jesus’s birthday, more commonly known to us gift-giving atheists as Christmas.

Indeed, it may seem like only yesterday we were celebrating New Year’s for 2015, but we’re now just 48 hours away from the short period in which parents up and down the country let an old, chubby, bearded man break into their private property and leave gifts for their naive, impressionable and vulnerable young children.

As a particularly excitable man, Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp is particularly excited. He’s already polished his festive lederhosen and wrapped up delicious currywursts for all of the Anfield outfit’s biggest stars.

But worried Santa Claus might frown upon his poor English, the Reds manager has asked us at Football Fancast to give his Christmas wish list a quick proof read before leaving it at the bottom of his chimney.

Luckily for you readers, we’re actually quite an amoral bunch. So showing no remorse whatsoever, we’re leaking the four items Klopp wants most this Christmas for your amusement.

ANYBODY WHO PLAYS FOR BORUSSIA DORTMUND OR IS GERMAN

Bayern Munich v Borussia Dortmund - 2013 UEFA Champions League Final
If you believe the tabloids, then Jurgen Klopp’s arrival at Anfield has instigated a drastic change in Liverpool’s transfer policy.

Rather than scouting players throughout world football like normal clubs, the Reds are now only interested in signing anybody who played under the German gaffer at Borussia Dortmund.

Indeed, Mats Hummels, Marco Reus, Ilkay Gundogan, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Neven Subotic and Lukasz Piszczek and virtually everybody else who donned the Black-Yellow jersey during Klopp’s seven-year spell have been audaciously linked with a Liverpool move over the last few months.

Failing that, a German international will suffice – but the Klopp love-in at Anfield won’t be complete until there’s a Dortmund star in Liverpool’s starting Xi.

Traditional Scouse Christmas clobber


Whether by coincidence or design (quite literally), Jurgen Klopp has been setting Liverpudlian fashion trends for much of his management career.

Indeed, the German gaffer loves nothing more than donning a shell tracksuit straight from a Harry Enfield sketch whilst bombing around his technical area in ever-animated fashion.

Keen not to miss out on local tradition, Klopp’s hoping Santa will deliver on a bespoke Christmas-themed track suit this year. Some festive magic might even see him sprout a paintbrush moustache and a Graeme Souness-inspired perm!

SINGSTAR


It’s a little-known fact Jurgen Klopp likes to keep up morale on the team bus by singing terribly for extended periods, having once told reporters; “I couldn’t have been a rock star, although I do sing Country Road very loudly on the PlayStation karaoke game.”

We all know what he’s talking about and we’ve all been there, drunkenly shouting along to Adele on Singstar at three in the morning following a boozy night at Vodka Revolution – much to the neighbours’ enjoyment.

So I’m sure there’s nothing Klopp would enjoy finding more under his tree this Christmas than two USB-port microphones and the latest edition of Singstar.

The first track to be given the heavy metal treatment by the Reds boss? Anfield anthem ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’.

THE DEATH OF LONG BALL FOOTALL

PulisWBA
Liverpool and long-ball just don’t mix. They’re completely atrocious at playing it – just ask £35million flop Andy Carroll – and even worse at defending against it.

Many saw it as a Brendan Rodgers issue but Liverpool have suffered similar problems under Jurgen Klopp, evident enough during defeats to Crystal Palace and Watford and a heated draw with West Bromwich Albion.

The 48-year-old made his feelings about attritional football abundantly clear after a touchline bust-up with Tony Pulis two weekends ago.

But unless he plans on liquidating Pulis and philosophical ally Sam Allardyce on Klopp’s behalf, I can’t see Father Christmas delivering on this one.

 


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