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The worst Premier League XI of the season, including Chelsea and Villa stars

With a third of the season gone the media has been awash with the best of this and best of that, rejoicing at what is fast ascending into a gripping campaign.

There’s Leicester’s wholly unexpected rise which has deservedly brought on a shed-load of praise. And what about Arsenal? They’re looking good this year. Players such as Mesut Ozil, along with emerging stars such as Martial and Alli, meanwhile enjoy Twitter love-ins that amount to virtual orgies.

It’s all far too jolly and celebratory.

Where is the hate people? Where is the negativity that we thrive on?

It’s time to put that right, grind a few gears, and put out a team that would endure a miserable gubbing each and every week as we present the eleven biggest flops of 2015/16 so far…

GK – Brad Guzan (Aston Villa)

Brad Guzan

Nosferatu’s great-nephew has never been the greatest at commanding his box and often has a flap in him, failings that have repeatedly come to the fore this term.

The question has to be asked: If the fans visibly flinch when the ball is in his vicinity then how much trust does Guzan elicit from the newly-formed defence in front of him?

It certainly wouldn’t be fair to burden the American with too much blame for Villa’s woes but oh for a reassuring figure to steady the rapidly sinking ship.

DF – DeAndre Yedlin (Sunderland)

Sunderland v Manchester City - Capital One Cup Third Round

Can play right-back, wing-back or right midfield and is equally abysmal at all three.

At 22 the Spurs loanee still has time to adapt to the English game and possibly even flourish but going on his performances this season this seems about as likely as Paul Scholes cracking a funny.


DF – Branislav Ivanovic (Chelsea)

Chelsea v Paris St Germain - UEFA Champions League Second Round Second Leg

Shifted inside to partner his club team-mate Cahill for this rogue-call of clowns, the bulky Serb has floundered from the get-go as he endures a nightmarish campaign to forget.

Once considered an imposing defender capable of nullifying an opponent for the full ninety with physicality and nous Ivanovic has seen his stock stumble with a series of farcical displays.

DF – Gary Cahill (Chelsea)


How the mighty have fallen. Cahill’s sleek excellence has deserted him in dramatic fashion and while this could equally be said for the rest of Chelsea’s rearguard it is in the England centre-back that we find the most unexpected of declines.

At least Terry can wave his bus pass around to excuse him.

DF – Patrick Van Aanholt (Sunderland)

Doncaster Rovers v Sunderland - Pre Season Friendly

It goes without saying that struggling Sunderland can ill afford consistent incompetency at the back right now yet the Dutchman seems intent to provide only that.

Positionally suspect and remarkably easy to skin alive the duffer who has somehow blagged two full international caps is the reason right-sided attackers see the Mackems on their fixtures radar and woop for joy.

MF – James Milner (Liverpool)


Can hold his head high among such company as Jimmy has certainly not been terrible since he arrived at Anfield.

Just, well, bang average.

The square-faced terrier divided opinion from Reds in the summer with many questioning if he would only bring running and endeavour to the Liverpool midfield.

So far their worst fears are being confirmed.

MF – Eden Hazard (Chelsea)

Eden Hazard 1

Remember in Superman II when Supe relinquishes his powers so he can enjoy a lifetime of filth with the worst investigative journalist in the world Lois Lane?

That’s nothing compared to the sudden diminished powers of Eden Hazard who has plummeted from god to mere mortal over the course of one summer.

We can only assume his sun lounger was made of pure Kryptonite.

MF – Moussa Sissoko (Newcastle United)


Rarely in the long and largely wonderful history of the game has there been a player more exasperating than Moussa Sissoko.

The rangy Frenchman has every attribute to be an absolute powerhouse of the Prem yet reserves his immense pedigree to the odd big game when the mood suits.

The Toon desperately need a hero right now. Unfortunately their biggest and best talent is going through the motions while stifling a yawn.

MF – Memphis Depay (Manchester United)

Manchester United v Newcastle United - Barclays Premier League

Considering the sterile football currently being served up by Louis Van Gaal’s United it’s a genuinely achievement to be dropped for not producing enough attacking guile.

The 21-year-old has had his attitude brought into question with concerns over his lifestyle becoming public. Too much too young? Only time will tell.

F – Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

Manchester United v PSV Eindhoven - UEFA Champions League Group Stage - Group B

While the media contented themselves with yet another round of Rooney-mania after Wazza became England’s record goal-scorer back in September, United supporters were far too busy worrying over his dramatic loss of club form.

The Great Undroppable has seemingly forgotten the basics of all that once made him so influential and we’re about six months away from Clive Tyldesley saying something negative about him.

Really, it’s that bad.

F – Diego Costa (Chelsea)

West Ham United v Chelsea - Barclays Premier League

The fearsome ogre of 2014/15 has been neutered and tamed and now appears a shadow of the belligerent goal-machine that hauled Chelsea to a fourth Premier League title.

Spends each game traipsing across the line picking off the lint and fluff collected from living inside the pocket of whichever centre-back is lucky enough to mark him.

Article title: The worst Premier League XI of the season, including Chelsea and Villa stars

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