Transfer Roundabout: Arsenal & Chelsea scrap, wonderkid to Man United and more

What better way to enjoy never-ending silly season than a quick ride on Football FanCast’s transfer roundabout -letting the sheer audacity of today’s biggest rumours spin you round and round until you eventually puke up tabloid clippings all over your chavy Reeboks.

Getting the motor running for today’s ride is news that Arsenal and Chelsea will battle to the death like that scene from Spartacus for Greek international Kostas Manolas, who will set the London duo back around £30million.

Meanwhile, former Manchester United star Nani isn’t quite ready to settle for a nice, quiet life in obscure European football and Everton are ready to give him the chance to exact revenge on the club that booted him off to Fenerbahce by activating a £6.2million release clause.

Elsewhere, the crack-smokers at The Express, citing reports from the crack-smokers at Brentwood Gazette, claim Arsenal’s speedy non-goal-ez Theo Walcott will move to West Ham in a £26million deal if he misses out on England’s Euro 2016 squad. Quite an overreaction in my opinion.

DONT MENTION THE RELEASE CLAUSE,” Newcastle’s Georginio Wijnaldum, not in so many words, has yelled at a Dutch journalist amid transfer interest from Italian menage-a-trois Roma, Inter Milan and Juventus.

Birthday cake boo-boy Yaya Toure wants to stay in the Premier League once Pep Guardiola exiles him from Manchester City this summer, ruling out a love-in with former gaffer Roberto Mancini at the San Siro.

And finally, the Premier League’s controversial lust for young and spritely Dutch teenagers has gone into overdrive, with United on the verge of sealing a deal for Feyenoord wonderkid Tahith Chong and Liverpool, taking the lead of Adam Johnson, targeting 15-year-old Abdallah Aberkane.