FIVE reasons West Ham newbie shouldn’t fear Green Street

Enner Valencia today risked his burgeoning reputation within West Ham’s following by revealing that most of what he knew about the Hammers prior to his move was based on the Green Street film. The 2005 flick portrays a group of hooligans who follow the Irons and the escapades – banter, boozing and fighting – they partake in in a stereotypical hour or so of action.

Elijah Wood takes the lead role as an American journalism student who gets embroiled in the world, which all builds to a big crescendo with the standard results.

Should Valencia be worried about the film? Probably not, and here are four reasons why Green Street’s lessons should not put the Ecuadorian off of finding the back of the net on matchdays…




It could be worse Nando, you could be one of these guys…

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West Ham fans don’t actually have awful cockney accents

Green Street was never going to pick up any awards at the Oscars, but it was reasonable to expect some convincing London boy accents… However, the cast put together some shoddy cockney lilts as they tried to recreate the mayhem of football in the east end. In reality the Irons have a loyal band of supporters with many hailing from the region, meaning that you do actually get the correct tone on matchday and not an excruciating blend of odd noise.

Millwall aren’t actually a threat now…


The plot of Green Street focuses on the rivalry between West Ham and Milwall with the climax – you guessed it – coming as the ‘firms’ meet for a right old barney. Truth be told, the two London sides rarely ever meet nowadays, with the clubs having operated in different areas of the Football League for a while. The last time the pair clashed was in early 2012, and the Hammers came out on top with a 2-1 win.

Hooligans punch like Elijah Wood…

We don’t think that Valencia will get himself in any bother on the pitch or around Upton Park, but he has nothing to fear if the hooligans do punch like Elijah Wood. The Lord Of The Rings stay was far from a street brawler when he waded into battle with his arms flailing like an out of control windmill during the movie’s first major action scene. In reality any battler would probably have a little more technique when throwing hands, but let’s all have a laugh at the American star above…

Hooligans can look like Ronald McDonald…

Geoff Bell

Brit ‘bad boy’ film royalty came out for Green Street, with Geoff Bell – if you don’t know him you can picture his acting style – the top boy in the Millwall firm… Mr Bell is portrayed as a real geezer, but from some angles he actually looks a little bit like McDonalds mascot Ronald McDonald… As far as we know the lovable fast food icon is no tough cookie, so nothing to be worried about, Enner.