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A group of England fans lost since Brazil’s last world cup in 1950 have emerged from the Amazon. The twenty eight men, all now in their eighties, emerged from the largest forest on earth close to the brand new Manaus stadium, where England will face Italy on Saturday. Shielding his eyes, leader of the tribe Billy Jeffries, originally from Bournemouth, said ‘We bring cargo! For barter! You comprendo!.”

Closer questioning revealed the men took a wrong turn the night of England’s shock defeat at the hands of the USA in Belo Horizonte in 1950. ‘Our eyes must have been clouded by the tears or summat, because suddenly, I wasn’t looking at Alf Ramsey and his disgraced teammates anymore, I was staring at a sloth,” said Jeffries, wearing a tattered handkerchief on his smooth tanned pate and the remains of an Army-issue string vest.

Asked how they had survived all these years. vice captain Stanley Fishman pointed at his bald head. ‘We discovered that the perspiration produced by a loyal England supporter is more deadly than the poison of any tree-frog,” he explained, “We swapped it with other tribes for victuals. We also founded the jungle’s first Boy Scout group. I have a wilderness survival badge. Would you like to see it?”

Asked if they wanted complimentary tickets to the England versus Italy clash, the group declined, saying that they couldn’t stand going through the same experience twice, ‘We just want to go home and see our wives and middle aged children’ was their reply, adding “Whatever happened to Alf Ramsey?


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